Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Fashion Police rant

There are things we see as adults that we just know if we had seen them as a child, we would have been scarred for life and would possibly never leave the house again.
Case in point: Larger woman in a very tight mini-skirt bending over to get something off the floor.... Ummmm, lady, the last thing I really need to see is your whoo-ha hanging out all over the place. Look in the mirror. Then look again as if you were looking at a stranger. Then, go back to your closet and find something else to wear so you don't flash (or moon) your co-workers.

There is more need these days for the fashion police than ever before. "Skinny" hip-hugger jeans really don't look good on anyone who wears a size 18 (or larger). Especially when said person seems to think they still wear a size 14. Add a 'belly shirt' and all eveyone else sees is muffin-tops. Made of jello. This is really not attractive. Please people! There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with wearing the size that fits! Honest, there are clothes for those of us who are 'healthier' than the average that look good and are "in". I wear a size 20 and I don't have a problem actually purchasing clothes that not only fit, but look good.

Larger people aren't the only ones making the fashion faux pas these days. I have seen otherwise intelligent people leaving the house in color combinations that are not only unflattering, but you can get the same painful effect by scraping your eyes with a cheese grater. "Hey, Mister! Whoever told you that it was okay to wear a lime green and blaze orange tie was wrong." And, yes, there are times when its okay to mix different patterns. But it is never, ever okay to wear a red and blue striped shirt with yellow, green and black plaid pants (my ex did this regularly).

Finally, "Casual Fridays" does not mean wear your jammies to work. Nor does it mean that you can wear your rattiest, holiest, worn-out jeans with a Megadeth t-shirt. At least, not in an office setting. I'm sure that somewhere there exists a description of what "office casual" means. There has to be. I don't want to have to be the one to write it....


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The Bitch Post

January 5 and I'm ready for winter to be over.  Hello, welcome to my bitch post where I let off some steam and just complain about everything that bugs me.

Typos. Yeah, everybody has them, nobody wants them, and so many otherwise intelligent people don't fix them!  If you want me to take you seriously, fix your freakin' typos! Nothing says "I don't care" better than 'teh', 'adn', 'thier' and myriad other un-fixed mistakes.

Then there are those who refuse to use the right word.  Too, to and two are NOT interchangeable. A person bragging about being a teacher for 27 years should know the difference, but apparently not. Or, s/he is "to lazy too go back" and fix what is obviously a stupid mistake (made more stupid by not fixing it).

If you are under 30, don't bitch about being old.  Especially to me.

If your dress size is 6, don't bitch to me about being 'fat.'  I wear a size 20 sweetheart, and I will not be nice to you.

If you go out and get really, really drunk and then decide to call someone at 3:00 AM, don't be surprised if that person decides to play with you.  If I am the person you end up drunk dialing to, I WILL ask to speak to your mother and I WILL expect you to wake her up. Why? So I can ask her why you are unsupervised since you are obviously not in control of your own actions.  If your mother is not available, I will think of something else.  Your best bet is to leave the phone off.

I am not amused by people who drive cars through puddles and slush and the like just to splash pedestrians. I am so not amused by it that I will take down your license plate and file a complaint with the local police department.  Especially if I am on my way to work wearing a suit that needs to be dry-cleaned. You WILL pay.

Not everyone wants to listen to the music you are playing in your car.  Nor do we need to have our windows rattling. Yes, you are impressed by your wonderful sound-system in that really ratty beater you drive. Take it somewhere else. You made me miss half of the dialog on the television program I was watching.

If you are smart enough to have graduated from college, then you are smart enough to know that when I am reading a book and have headphones on, I really don't want to talk to you.

That's enough for now, I think.  I'll get around to the rest of the bitches later.